If you were asked to name some foods from South East Asia it is probably a safe bet that the first ones that come to mind would be Pad Thai or Red/Green curry. While Thailand may be better known for its cuisine, Vietnam is no slouch when it comes to tasty (and occasionally mentally scarring) foods. Below are some of the best, worst, most terrifying, and smelliest foods I have encountered here so far. Bon Affatit.
The Good
Vietnamese Coffee
I love coffee. I like eggs. I don’t really want to combine the two. Someone in Vietnam did however and it is fanfuckingtastic. Like Baileys but actually nice. The coffee here is just eggcelent and I’m not yoking. Anyway that’s enough of that, let’s crack on shall we. Regardless if you have the coffee here with or without egg, the coffee in Vietnam is some of, if not the best that I’ve ever had.
Pork Floss – How you get hairy floss from a pig I don’t know. I don’t want to know either. What I do know however is that this tastes fantastic. Usually found on other foods (special shout out to the 7-Eleven rice cakes with pork floss – delicious).
Fruit – Honestly in general all fruit tastes so much nicer in Asia. The bananas are fantastic although odd. They come either in tiny bunches or a single banana individually wrapped in clingfilm. Mango is the sweet nectar of the gods here. Lychee may be one of the most confusing fruits around. You peel it like an egg and it looks like a pickled onion. It does however taste delicious. Long story short the fruits are sweeter, tastier, and a good source of hydration. Just be ready to visit the toilet regularly.
Special mention for dragonfruit. While it looks and sounds dramatic, it is effectively just an aggressively large and extravagant kiwi. Tastes nice. Easier to eat than a regular kiwi plus it comes in either white or red, with the red version being slightly sweeter.
Coconuts – Cheap, hydrating, full of electrolytes and tasty – even better when on the beach.
Pho – One of two things happen when you try to order Pho in Vietnam. Either you ask the waiter for a bowl of tasty beef noodle soup, or you instead call the waiter a bitch/slut. Vietnamese is a very confusing language. Unlike the English language, how you pronounce a word here, tone of voice, completely changes the meaning of the word (this only happens in English when you say something so incorrectly you baffle everyone). If you don’t piss off the waiter then you’ll get a tasty and filling bowl of soup. Good luck.
The Bad (and The Ugly)
Fried rat – full disclosure I did not eat this. Because it’s a rat and because I have been fighting for my life with normal food, never mind adding that into the mix. I was told it tastes like chicken. I’ll have chicken instead. Enjoy your rat.
*This delicacy was in Cambodia. I cannot comment if it’s a popular snack in Vietnam but so far I’ve not seen any. A couple of live ones running around on the street but none on a grill with a stick through their arse. Perhaps unsurprisingly Cambodia is the first place I’ve had complete diarrhoea since I’ve been in Asia. Don’t think Sherlock Holmes is required to figure out why.
Tarantula – If I learned anything about Battambang it’s that the people there will eat whatever’s going. Nothing is safe. I think if you squeezed some lemon over a TV remote they would have a go at it. Not only did I not try this atrocity but quickly moved past them in case it was a pick your own while they are alive type scenario that you have in seafood restaurants, so sadly or thankfully, I never got a photo of this. I suppose the one benefit of them being a high selling snack is that the chances of encountering a live one drop dramatically. I think if you get an infestation in Cambodia then don’t call the exterminator, just call the local restaurant instead.
Octopus and Squid.
Sorry squiddly diddly but you actually taste not too bad. Look bloody awful but I’m sure you’d think the same of me. Anyway bottoms up.
The Smelly…oh God why is it so smelly!
Durian – In most hotels, buses, restaurants and public places in South East Asia it is commonplace to see no smoking signs. What usually follows these signs is a no durian sign. If you’ve ever smelt it then you know why. It smells like ass. A diseased one at that. It also tastes how it smells. I don’t know why it exists. I don’t know why it’s sold everywhere and why it grows to be the same size as a 40l backpack. Given it’s banned in what seems to be every public space I’m not the only one that wonders this. Get rid of it.
Some weird, wonderful, and smelly meals aside, one of the things I have been most impressed with in Vietnam is the balance of each meal. It seems like no matter what you order it is always made up with a good balance of carbs, protein and fat. On that note however if you have either a peanut or seafood allergy then you will be playing Vietnam and South East Asia on hard mode. Pretty much 96% (at a minimum) of the foods here have one of those two ingredients, usually both. It is also important to note that pretty much all street food stalls, and most restaurants, don’t seem to give too much of a shit regarding food and hygiene standards. Even if you manage to somehow find a dish that doesn’t come with one of these two ingredients, it is probably going to be prepared in a kitchen that still uses these ingredients. The Vietnamese love peanuts, either as a snack by itself or in dishes. Honestly I think even the water has nuts in it. The only advice I can give is to make an outfit out of epipens prior to coming and you might be alright, otherwise sort out your will before you go.
From the nicest coffee I’ve ever tasted to some of the most grotesque foods around, your taste buds, senses, and sadly (usually) your arsehole the next day, are never bored when eating in Vietnam/Asia.